Since the last attempt to walk away and try to integrate with some Jewish friends failed, i continue
The dear lady that went to Kristallnacht with me sent me this video by Jim Staley, and i know that there are some "videos" and things out there.. like FAR out there. This had me on guard in the same way (especially with the whole jail thing - but, there is forgiveness), but, the facts presented really sent me into turmoil. So much that, at the end of watching it 3 times, i decided that i was never going to celebrate Christmas or Easter ever again. This year would be my first Hannukah. My sister was one of the first people i told, and to my surprise, she was very curious and rather excited about it. We ended up spending time together one night - along with her husband and her 2 kids. She shared that before they were married, her husband didn't want to celebrate Christmas, but her and i came from a home that would DECK the HALLS with lights, decorations, holy...etc, get a real tree, set up the train, put out the cookies, hang the stockings, read "The Night Before Christmas" and watch for Rudolphs nose in the night sky to bring Santa to come and bring tons of gifts! The really cool thing is that something had sparked the tug on my sisters heart and she had found a book about Jewish thought. It was really cool to have this moment with her and her family. i didn't have to be on this journey alone. Now, we had to tell our Mother... but, that actually went well also! Blessings from the King!